finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
