you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If I die, sorry about rent.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
