I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
