He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is Oprah even human
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
