The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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