We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
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