We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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