So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
