Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
