My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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