i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Everyone says I win the strip club
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
