Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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