Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
