Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
