Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
