so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
