so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
