So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
50% drunk capacity currently
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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