Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
MIDGETS
????
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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