We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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