I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
