Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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