i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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