alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
