I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
