she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
