She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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