All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
