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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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