I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
