You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
