my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
