Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
