Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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