he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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