we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish my penis had an off switch
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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