white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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