Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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