Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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