i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
3pm strippers are depressing
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
