he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You did what with his pubic hair?
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