Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
