I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
too bad you live with your parents still
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
