bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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