she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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