Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
