like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
