oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I can tuck mytits in my pants
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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