He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize