i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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