my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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