Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
