Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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