is your mom at the bar?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
