now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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