I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize