So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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