i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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