you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
