I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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