Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
