I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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