We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
