she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You left your phone here
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