Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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