You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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