The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
