fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
