i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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