im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
