Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
