2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
