My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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