Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
