I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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