dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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