even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
