There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
