I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
