you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
