Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
