I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
