How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
