this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize