they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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