Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
