dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Drunk is a universal language darling
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
