I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
