rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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