I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
