Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
