Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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