That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
