If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
