Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
