2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
