small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
