Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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