Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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