i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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