To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
