He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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