take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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