it hurts more in the daytime
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
