I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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