my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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